19 4 2017 Altrincham Crematorium
EULOGY for Swift
Like Phil I’m going to start with his name. Many of you here today know him as Griff, many know him as Swift and to his Mum and Dad he will always be Davy…I have never known him as anything other than Swift since I met him over 30 years ago when Caroline, Phoebe’s Mum and Charlie, Caitlin’s Dad and Swift and I were such a good friends. Spare a thought for me, playing Trivial Pursuits into the small hours with three of the most intelligent people I’ve ever known. When Swift and I got together in 2008 we both found photographs of ourselves at each others first weddings… he used to love telling that anecdote and watch the puzzled expressions as people tried to work it out. Both Charlie and Caroline died from the same awful disease that has now taken Swift from us so prematurely.
There is so much to say. When Swift and I became a couple he was emerging from years of caring for Caroline, and then coping alone looking after Phoebes whilst working full time. These experiences shaped his view of the world and reinforced his drive to make the most of his life. I was lucky enough to be the person with whom he wanted to share his future. We adored each other. We were obscenely happy.
We had lots in common. A shared history, shared friends, shared love of home, travel, and our creative pursuits. But probably most importantly a shared experience of lone parenting that made the bond with our daughters especially strong. The best gift we gave each other was the opportunity to love each other’s daughters. We were/are intensely proud of both of them. Phoebes knows there is no escape from her step mum and big sister and Swift knew unequivocally that myself Caitlin and Andy will always be there for her, as of course will her grandparents Sue and Dave. We love her very much.
When Swift and I talked about this day, his funeral, he said he wanted me “ to represent him”. Quite a daunting task for a man so full of life with so many interests and friends but I hope the following list brings some smiles of recognition:
Scrabble with Martin
Pink flowery shirts
Manchester Utd
Crocs
Baking Cakes
Flap jacks on bike rides
The West Wing
Clothes from GAP
University Challenge
Xmas
Playing Softball
Anything to do with cats
Reading the Obituary section of The Guardian
Lying down next to our pond taking pictures of frogs
Elvis Costello
Nik Lowe
Mackie
All things Apple
His Leica camera
Encyclopaedic knowledge of Film and TV
Pink shorts
His Tattoo (Chinese symbol of love)
Weekends in Cemaes Bay, Anglesey
Cycling
Hares
Costa Coffee
Kate Bush
Chester Zoo
Film Club evenings
Voles
His Swiss Railway Watch
America
City Breaks
Sunsets and Sunrises
Band of Brothers
Diet coke and milk
Roast Dinners
The full English Breakfast Club
Talking rubbish with Phil
The Guardian crossword and Saturday quiz
The Film “It’s a Wonderful Life”

The countless messages and tributes I’ve received over the past couple of weeks have shown me how many treasured memories you all have too.
But all Swift said about his life was that he hopedthat people would remember him as a good man. That must be the understatement of the century. He never missed an opportunity to be kind. His thoughtfulness and kind acts are literally too numerous to mention, from the small everyday gestures (picking someone up from the airport, cooking a meal, welcoming a new colleague… To the bigger things such as his care for Beryl (Caroline’s Mum) after Caroline died, and his support for my Mum when she moved into care and always, always, always his willingness to do anything for myself Phoebe and Caitlin.
He also had such a natural intelligence. A talented writer as his many blog readers present today will testify. He was able to get nearly every question right on University Challenge and was the secret weapon on every quiz team. Incredible for a man who didn’t read much and who dropped out of University. He was also a fantastic mimic and he always made us laugh with his cat voices and one-liners.
Yet despite all these qualities he was entirely without ego. The most unassuming and understated man you could meet.
Our wedding vows included a promise to try and bring each other happiness. The ways Swift chose to do that included sneaking back to a shop and buying me something I had been coveting and surprising me with it later. We also made promise “to make space for us to be ourselves” and he was constantly enthusiastic, encouraging and supportive in anything I was involved in. We also vowed to be there for each other in good times and bad.
His cancer reared its head again a few weeks after we returned from our honeymoon in Toronto. After one of those early appointments at Christies we de-briefed in a coffee shop as usual. He told me how he wanted to handle things. He grabbed a napkin, got a pen out and drew two circles. One very tiny circle inside a very large one. He wrote in the large circle “ Our life” and in the tiny circle he wrote “cancer “. This pretty much summed up his attitude throughout his illness. Cancer was more of an unfortunate inconvenience and not to be fuelled or encouraged by too much focus or attention.
He maintained this spirit right till the end. Carrying on with 20-mile cycle rides throughout his chemo was a testament to this approach. The three months he spent in a hospital bed in our living room with carers visiting at least twice a day, district nurses coming and going and our wonderful Macmillan Nurse meant that a whole new group of people got to know him. He charmed them with his gentleness, good humour, dignity and strength of character. He was easy to be with even when he was in the worst of health. Always uncomplaining, co operative, forever confident that everyone was doing their best to help him, which of course we all were. True testament to his effect on people arrived in a message after he had been admitted to the hospice. The carers, who had come in daily, while he was at home, asked if they could visit him at the hospice in their own time.
Despite how ill he was, he was still my partner and best friend through it all. Still the beautiful, kind, intelligent, witty, dignified, creative man that was my husband.
I want to close with a quote from Dr Zeuss which Swift used to read to Phoebes.
“Don’t cry because it’s over. Smile because it happened.”
Somehow I have to try and do that for the rest my life. I know he would want you all to do the same.
THANK YOU